I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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