I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
