Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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