I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
