if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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