Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
