I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize