a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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