You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
