dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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