But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What a dumb baby whore.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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