turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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