Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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