im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
