Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
