It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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