I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
