i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
