I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
