I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
