It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and she was petting her beer can
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
