You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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