2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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