What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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