for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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