i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
