you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
