Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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