is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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