i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
