Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.