Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
kristin has been a bad kristin
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
