I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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