We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
