Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
