i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
