I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
