i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
where am i from again
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
