Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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