I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
