my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize