If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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