My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
