brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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