Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
