I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she peed on how many people?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
