allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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