He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
