i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
