I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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