i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
