One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
