My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
