You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The Olympian is in my bed
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
