I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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