bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
