I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
