a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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