i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
