Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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