So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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