He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
