She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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